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“It’s who I am—I’ve always been this way.”
“I know I should move on, but something just won’t let me.”
“I don’t know why I keep replaying that conversation—it happened years ago, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Does this resonate for you?
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking this way, you’re not alone. I often hear these things from high-achieving professionals, caregivers, parents, and people going through significant life changes. These subtle statements mask a quieter truth: you’re holding onto something that once helped you cope, but now it’s holding you back–an attachment.
There’s a Zen teaching that captures this beautifully:
“What is holding you back is what you are holding on to.”
Sit with this for a moment, does it feel uncomfortably familiar?
The idea is simple, but not easy: the thoughts, habits, beliefs, identities, and emotional patterns we cling to can quietly block our growth, happiness, and peace of mind.
So, how do we figure out what we’re holding on to? And more importantly, how do we begin to let go? Let’s explore how it might apply to you or someone you know.
What am I holding on to?
Attachments are not just physical objects but are often emotional, mental, and even identity-based. You might be holding onto a grudge from seven years ago that keeps you away from a friend you once cared for deeply. An idea that “I’m not the kind of person who does that.” Fear of trying something new, in case it doesn’t go right. The need for certainty or control.
Sometimes, attachments show up in more socially acceptable ways—like being “the strong, reliable one” who never asks for help. That may have served you at one point. But now, it’s exhausting and isolating you in your stress. Or maybe you’re holding tightly to the belief that your worth is tied to productivity. That might drive success, but also burnout, anxiety, and a constant feeling of “never enough.”
Over time, these attachments may feel familiar but become invisible rules that run your life and create a quiet resistance to change.
But ask yourself;
“Is it worth holding on to a past version of myself that doesn’t reflect who I am now?
“Is this belief that my worth is tied to my achievements serving me well?”
“Should I hold on to a relationship script where my needs always come last?”
“Should I hold on to the expectation of how life was supposed to turn out?”
When we hold tightly to old stories or ways of being, we often don’t realize the emotional cost. The weight of maintaining control, of avoiding vulnerability, or of staying in a role that no longer fits can create anxiety, overthinking, burnout, and resentment. You can feel stuck or dissatisfied without knowing why, or a profound disconnection from your authentic self.
Letting Go To Move Forward
In our culture, “letting go” can sound like failure or weakness. But in therapy—and Zen—it’s an act of strength. It doesn’t mean abandoning your goals or responsibilities; it means living your life aligned with your values–what is meaningful to you. Trusting that life does not need to be perfect to be meaningful. It means allowing yourself to evolve.
It does take time and courage. As one client said after confronting her fear of change, “I didn’t realize how much I avoided discomfort, but I feel so much lighter now.”
Letting go is a process that takes practice; it’s not a one-time event. Here are a few accessible ways to begin:
Mindfulness Practice
Start curiously noticing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors without trying to fix or judge them. It is about becoming aware of repeated patterns and fears that may arise when you think about change. For example, “I’m feeling anxious because I want control over something uncertain.” Awareness softens the grip.
Ask Yourself: What Am I Holding Onto?
Write it down. Say it out loud. Whether it’s an identity, expectation, or belief, naming it is the first step to releasing it. Ask yourself: What am I holding on to right now? Is this helping or harming me? Even five minutes of honest journaling can bring surprising clarity.
Challenge the Story
Ask: Is this true? Is this still helping me? What might life feel like without this?
Allow Space for Discomfort
Letting go can stir up grief, fear, or uncertainty. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to erase discomfort; it’s to grow your capacity to sit with it.
Embrace Newness:
When discomfort arises, try reframing it: “This isn’t a threat, it’s growth.” Staying open to new experiences, even small ones, can build resilience and flexibility.
Loosen the Reins:
Choose one area where you can ease your control. Maybe it’s letting someone else lead a project. Perhaps it’s not planning every detail of your weekend. Notice what happens.
So today, consider this gentle prompt:
What might I be holding onto that’s holding me back? And what small act of release can I try for today?
Seek Support
You don’t have to do this work alone. At Inclusion Online Therapy, we offer a space to safely explore what you’re holding onto, why, and how to release it—on your terms.
In Letting Go to Move Forward – Revealing Our Inner Attachments, Celmira Cintron-Jimenez, LCSW, explores the hidden emotional, mental, and identity-based attachments that quietly shape our lives and keep us stuck. Drawing from Zen wisdom and therapeutic insight, she invites readers to reflect on the habits, beliefs, and roles they may be clinging to out of familiarity. Through mindful inquiry and practical steps, the blog offers a compassionate path toward release, personal growth, and greater alignment with one’s authentic self.
